Takeaway – by which I, in the inexplicable British sense of the word mean ‘delivered food’ – is amazing in the USA. I once raved in an older blog about the joy of Deliverance in London which offers most types of food you can imagine to your door within 30 minutes; and will also take on pretty much any other request you care to make of them (“a backgammon set, a rare steak with McDonalds’ chips and a Thermos of tea? Certainly sir, right away sir.”)

Whilst impressive, you have to remember that’s a single, little-known company with really high premiums. Over here, it’s a brave new world: on seamlessweb alone there’s 175 places I can order from (20%+30% discount? yes please) with a couple of clicks. Want some Scandinavian food perhaps, or maybe a choice of 26 Japanese offerings? It’s fantastic. And I’m not sure I’m using that to mean good.

Those aren’t just specialist places either – it seems everywhere delivers around here, it’s just expected. If you want a Big Mac a lot more than you want to walk down the stairs and burn off 5% of the calories that come with it, just call up your local store. Hey, I’m sure if you’re a regular you can just leave them a key and have it delivered straight to your sofa. If you tip well, the delivery boy will probably even place it in your mouth and wipe away the clotted remains of yesterday’s BBQ sauce from your shirt with the extra saliva that drips from the side of your lips as he stuffs the burger into your face.

Yes, that is a KFC Double Down inside a Krispy Kreme. Yes, that’s serious.

Living here could be seriously detrimental to my figure, but the scary thing is that now I’m surrounded by so much excess, I don’t really know how to escape the seemingly inexorable slide into obesity. The portions, everywhere, are just bigger than is needed. Not so much that you’ll leave a chunk of uneaten food, but so much that once you’ve cleared your plate you don’t feel like doing much more than lounging in front of the TV and being assaulted by advertising. Welcome to the American Dream.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go re-warm the chocolate chip cookie that came free when I ordered this behemoth:

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