Stephanie, my Belgian darling, wanted to see the sights of New York. This première tourist destination; the infamous island of Manhattan; living and breathing film set; capitalist Mecca of the world, was our oyster to explore during my first real week off work since moving here. We woke up early, her jet lag and my hangover nullified by the prospects of exploration, novelty and adventure, and jumped on a subway to Times Square, hub of it all.
Then we went to a make-up shop, for what I believe was approximately a month.
Have you ever been to a make-up shop? I don’t recommend it. It’s not that I have an issue with make-up, or even that I don’t understand what half of it does (or that 30% of it involves poking things into eyes and that that really freaks me out.) The issue I have is comparison.
Whilst I can’t legitimately form an opinion as to whether ‘pale peach blush’ has a richer tone than ‘soft papaya whip’, I can at least accept that the two have differing RGB values and that an objective decision can be made, given sufficient context and enthusiasm. What I simply can’t work with, are things that substitute prose in place of any actual information.
Upon arriving, Stephanie asked me if I had any shampoo.
“Of course”, I replied.
Easy. “Shampoo and conditioner, separate.”
“Yes but what type?”
“What type Ian?”
Clearly she was going to have to get her own. So, in we went and soon enough she picked up what looked like a bottle of milk. It passed her first test (I was unsure on the details of this test but simply glad to have light at the end of the tunnel by this point), and so she moved on to considering the pair of three-packs it came in. The choice was between these fine challengers:
On the left we have shampoo, conditioner, and The Curl Definer. To the right we have shampoo, conditioner, and The Curl Booster. The former defines, invigorates and firms curls. The latter replenishes, enhances and invigorates curls. After five minutes of agonizingly trying to come up with a recommendation, I wanted to either cry, or kill and eat something.
On the plus side, those places smell nice.